Rotten French wine served by the ugly Samba lady

I have tons of work, I have a thesis to complete and my advisor is after my ass threatening to nail it up on the haloed walls of stanford anyday. But I'm a brave boy (not man) and so over the past week, I've been defying the calls of my damn lab and simulations and stupid bug-infested code and instead happily drinking beer from 6 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon, even more happily watching the football (soccer doesnt have that same zingg). And since I run out of ideas often about what to write, and since all decent blogs that I read have their own personal posts on the football world cup, I decided to do what I do best that is ape these esteemed blogs and put in my own post on that. AHAA!! Talk about lack of better things to do...

Anyway so I've watched almost all the matches, yes yes even the Korea-Togo match with a bunch of face painted koreans singing the korean national anthem (i assume) at the drop of a hat.

But I must say the big teams have been a major disappointment, especially France and Brazil. So this post viciosly attacks the big names in both these teams and dishes out some majorly unwanted advise to the stars. Here goes.

Watching France play is like watching East bengal playing in its Chima Okerie days (remember the bull like black Nigerian), only in this case Zizou seems to be trying desperately to fill Chima's lethargic skill-less lead like feet. I counted the number of times he touched the ball in the Korean match--it was 15, thats like one touch every 5.5 mins and this from a guy who is supposed to be the premier playmaker in the world. And each time he did touch the ball, he tried to outdo himself by trying the flick-over or the sashay or the foot-over routine and happily for the defender deposited the ball right at his feet. Happily for Zidane his misery didnt last the whole 90 minutes as the utterly displeased French coach finally took him off. Not one decent pass has he made in the two matches. And then theres Thierry Henry, the most profilic scorer in the English Premier League, the guy who makes those piercing runs down the flanks before cutting into the box with his ferocious twist and finally firing in that bulls eye shot headed for the top corner of the net. But somehow Henry seems to have left his goal sense in the vaults of Arsenal who pay him more than $90k per week. The sitters that hes missed would put my grandma to shame. And those famous flank-runs of him, well I havent seen one of those from him yet. And then there are the Vieras and the Trezeguets all piped as premier medios and strikers, people who day in and day out marshall their club's midfield and offensive line with superioir aplomb, but here in the WC Viera's play has been pathetic to put it mildly. Infact I distinctly remember, him putting up the same kind of horror football show last time around too. The whole fucking Frenchies seem to be trying to live upto George dubya Bush's lifelong held belief that the French are sissies and pussies of the highest caliber.
Verdict: Will find it hard to get into the second round, if they do, thats where they will go home from
Appeal to the French team: Zidane retire from soccer and go play with your cute three kids and pretty wife. Henry your hot girlfriend is watching every match you are playing, if not for us atleast for her show us some those runs and dont just reserve all your energy for the nightly bedroom runs with her. Trust me seeing you running with that ball will turn her on no ends.

What about the mighty Brazilians???? Brazil Brazil Brazil, whatever happened to you. The football that you are playing is miserable. This year's Brazilian midfield was touted to be as good as that dream '82 midfield comprising of Zico, Socrates and Falcao. After all they have Ronaldihno, Kaka, Ronaldo and often Cafu and Roberto Carlos making their penetrating runs along the wings adding to the midfiled strength. But after two matches what kind of show has this supposedly dreamfield put up??? Not one free-flowing short-pass based move have they been able to string together in the two matches. Not one. Ronaldinho seems to be playing more for the gallery than anything else and not one penetrating run has he been able to give us. Kaka is trying, but definitely lacks imagination and has this stupid propensity of shooting rather than passing to an open man from just in front of the box. Ronaldo, well the less said about him the better, in two matches he has touched the ball a total 5 times. Roberto Carlos, a player I feel is vastly overhyped, continues to make his huffing puffing runs down the left flank and then crossing either into the stand or into the defender's foot. Adriano, well hes more in the mould of a English striker rather than a Brazilian one, he wont make his own goals but needs a good supply line to provide him with the crosses or that through ball, and till now that supply line is yet to be constructed. The only player that has impressed me is Robinho. In both of Brazil's matches hes come on for Ronaldo and made an immediate impact. He is short with low c.g giving him extremely good stability on his feet and has a dangerous turn.

Verdict: dont know, but the way they are playing I would say Quarter finals tops, but then its Brazil so I might have to eat my words.
Appeal to the Brazilian team: Ronaldo stop guzzling alcoholic beverages by the dozens at those posh spanish nightclubs with your model girl. Your paunch even puts me to shame. Go get a belly tuck or something. Ronaldinho your smile is as ugly as mine, if you forget playing football then take it from an equally ugly dude that not one girl will you get to sleep with. Robert Carlos stop playing football and go join the WWE or the world's strongest man competetion, thats where you truly belong and Im beginning to suspect that that 5 year old banana free kick of yours was a freak accident.