Sunday, March 19, 2006

A Formal framework for analyzing ur lady love

There is something about the female of our species (especially desi ones) that tends to confuse us mere desi men in more ways than one. While I'm no expert by any stretch of anyones imagination when it comes to the fairer sex, what with some horrendous choice of girls -- one with an existing fiancee and one with a mafia hitman as daddy cool, but even then I do feel that my love-stories-gone-really-screwy might in some sense create a formal framework as to how us, the oppressed male species, deal with this omnipresent dilemna of tackling the fairer sex, who by the way are hell bent on making things as confusing and as murky as possible. So heres some basic concepts to keep in mind too cope with that dreaded scenario in a desi man's life, aka a desi lady love paying you a visit:

(1) The absolute golden rule : Make damn sure that the girl's single. You dont want to spend the next damn months/years or whatever carrying a burden of guilt which by the way was never really initiated by you in the first place. And guys the female of our speces are unlike anything you find in the jungles of Africa. They are worse. The poor females in Africa atleast let everybody know that they are finished with one alpha male and moving onto the next one, while the females of our species might actually have their thumbs in both cookie jars at the same time. Greedy sluts trying to get the best of both worlds you see.

(2) Tears usually mean some low blow is on its way: Beware of those cry-baby sessions. The only objective of those cry-sessions is to drown the poor man in a huge pool, no not pool but ocean of guilt. And in essence though your lady-love's tears might mean the world to you, to her its just her mind saying "AAAh got u by your balls now asshole".

(3) You my man dont really matter: Now that my friend is the truth. You are disposable with a fleeting expiry date ticket that might be cashed anytime. And you can scratch your head till your scalp starts to bleed trying to understand why that is so. But the bottomline for that is the simple concept of supply and demand. Girls, decent ones, are in short supply, while males. alpha males, are in fair abundance and thus the market dynamics take over.

(4) You serve a purpose: Now face it guys, girls have needs too. You can ogle your way through porn-land and back, satisfying your more carnal desires, but what about those poor females. Straight porns dont do mjuch for them and gay porns are well "ooo gay is still a taboo for us sweet indian ladies". How do they do anything? Enter you. You my dear who'll forever be willing to serve your lady love, if and when, she needs some of those more carnal services.

(5) Females are liars: Now this is one rule that should always be at the back of your mind when your lady love is weaving her noose of destruction around ur poor neck. Do not get blinded by all those sweet "im so in love with you comments". Be absolutely clear about the fact that a good part of a females cerebral activity is spent trying to fool people with a degree of conviction that would make Jason Bourne proud. And you aren't the first one to whom she has crooned those lines and chances are extremely bright that you wont be the last.

(6) My lady love is a black widow spider: This my man is the mother of all rules. Given half a chance she'll eat you for lunch and keep your remains for eating later. Black widows you see eat their mates, immediately after copulating.


Anonymous said...

black widow spider bit is hilarious buddy, and extremely close to the truth as well

rick said...

looks like jenna j has really caused irrvocable amage ;-)

gogol said...

any experiences with the blac widow kind of lady love??

reena said...

Ur opinion for the female of the species is on a donward spiral boss, but still a funny post

Anonymous said...

EErrr!!! A bit late into ur blog, but aptly analyzed i must say.