Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The happening desi grad party

Let me admit right at the very beginning. I love good food, I love my drinks, I love my music and when I get them for free I love them even more. Thats why Im in love with the desi grad party scene.

When you land up at a party thrown by indian grads, theres one thing that you can be assured of. The amount of food on the dinner table will make your eyes roll over in glee--especially if you happen to be gluttonous bastard like me. Its not like what those stupid americans have for you, some rotting salsa chips, maybe a packet or two of buns and some sausages to go with them. But in a desi party you can be assured that eat you will in plenty. And you dont need to bother about another important thing while you're busy stuffing your stomach with a week's worth of food. You dont need to make any kind of effort to carry out any kind of conversation with the people around you. Usually when I go to an un-desi party I spend a majority of my time chatting up with femmes, fatale or not is a different issue, trying my utmost to hook up with some of them. And in the process end up missing whatever meagre food that was on the table. But in a desi partyy.. HUH .. nochance in hell of that happening. I can concentrate on my food with single minded devotion. The girls that will be there, desi babes i mean, will give the dodo a superiority complex in terms of holding a street smart "im trying to hook u babes" conversation. The best of the bestest pick-up lines you might use, but I assure you it will be in vain. So eat I can the stupendous supply of food with full devotion and not worry about my getting-laid quotient for the night being lowered. Actually that gettng-laid option wasnt even there in the first place. After all our dodo-esque Desi babes are pious, pure, no-sex-before-you-weds divine creatures.

Then there are the drinks. Desi grads you see are self confessed greatest alcohol drinkers that have ever graced this planet of ours. Stories abound in the desi grad circles about how that cool cs desi phd guy drinks a litre of tequila a day and then starts working on that differential geometry problem or how sweeti is a cool cat and washes down seven shots of lethal-liquid cocktail in seven minutes without batting an eyelid. But you see I have spent four years of my life prowling within the dark depths of that now cult underground desi-party scene. I know that the combined drinking prowess of my cool cs buddy and sweeti and all their friends, desi babas and babes included, equals Saurav Ganguly's prowess of surviving a battery of mean quicks on a Gabba greentop. So anytime I go to a desi party which has a fairly decent supply of alcohol, I make myself very close to my dear frinds, Jose Currero, Jager, Smirnoff and anybody else who was bought in for the party. Happily and merrily I spend my time with these dear friends of mine while sweeti and her buddies continue to wash down seven lethal pegs in seven quantun minutes in a parallel quantum universe, while still trying hard to finish off that glass of wine that they had asked for, about an hour ago from now, in the universe in which I stay.

Oh and dont forget the dance and the music. You will hear of legendary cool parties where a guy or two with a guitar along with a whole pack of partying desi baba and babes, having elevated their will-get-laid quotient to godly status (more on the lines of buddha's denounce all physical comforts preaching rather than indradev's lets bring out the chicks ) and washed down copious amounts of lethal cocktails in a parallel universe, sit in a circle and sing songs-- songs that must include hotel california and plenty of soulful hindi numbers. Talk about cool party animals. Can you beat that??? I know I cant. Thats why Im still an outcast in the happening desi party scene. Thats why I have to find solace with Jose. And there are three more of them on the table. But wait the cool party animals have now started Euphoria's horrid "Mairi". And I dont even know the words.

No wonder Im too un-cool for these cult parties. Jose I need you now.


Helo said...

A thousands words are making a picture here and i see you as an over 300 pound guy with your belly stretching your 44 waist size jeans to its limits. Chikken tikkan masala dripping out of mouth as you try to lick off the last drops of gravy on your cheeks and at the same time jealously guarding your cocktail made by mixing whatever liquid was left on the table. With all that being said , your mind is still at work on trying to figure out your "getting-laid-quotient" with the hot chick who just passed you by. No prizes for guessing what it is though.

Satyakis Brew said...

guru it was cool, I would advise that you actually screw some of these hypocrites so that they realiose what their quantun universe is like. One more thing these desi babses are themselves so frustrated of not being able to have sex properly here and there (out of fear) that they put on a mask of pious ness. ekta kotha chilo chotobelay boltam "Ghomtar nichete khemta" thats it.

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

What stops you from getting to a non-desi party? Or do you just prefer to keep that to yourself?

S Ganguly's last innings of significance WAS at the Gabba.

Loved your previous post on Hindu gods, it's a theme that's occurred to me too.

jhantu said...

@jogi : what can i say you hv a gift , you are clairvoyant. But I assure you am working on my piunds, down to 296. But still miles to go before I go into another desi grad paarty.

@satyakis: my friend screwing a desi babe will result in you getting screwed in more ways than you can possibly imagine. You might end up as deranged as me.

@arthur: Boss the only thing that stops me from getting into a desi party is that the desi grads are way too cool and upscale for me. They look down at me you see.
Oh and would you bet on ganguly dada playing another blinder at the Gabba in the near future ? ;). Exceptions prove the rules i think.

arbit said...

My friend you seem to have way too many traumatic experiences with desi parties. Is that why you seek solace with Jenna and Jose?? Btw have you seen the movie "dude wheres the paaarty"? My recommendations for you

D'yer Mak'er said...

..well written "gluttonous bastard"!!

Anonymous said...

Seriously thats a whole lot of crap. Its for sure that you havent been to any proper desi party in you "4 years of prowling". For a change why dont you prowl the right parties???