Thursday, June 08, 2006

He thinks therefore he is

I think of you often, when my eyes close and I wrap myself in the yellow sheet, I think of how that cocky, know-all, hard-headed guy who packed his bags into an old green Nissan and made his way to the golden state would have been if he hadnt met you.

Theres an old bengali saying which talks about keeping the doors and windows of your mind open to let the fresh air of dialogue and discussion and knowledge flow in and keep it fresh. Knowledge that is not band-limited to numbers and equations only, knowledge that you taught him, discussions with you that acted as his catharsis, gave him new perspectives, stimuated him.
Oh but he was difficult, he resisted you at every step, with ridicule, with utter dismissals from his presence, drove you crazy with sheer word twisting logics. But yet you talked to him, yet you tred to make him see the point, yet you tried to show him the world outside equations and theorems. You didnt have to but you did. Finally after many a month of trying, you bid him farewell, sad that he could never see those things, no matter how hard you try.

And thats where you taught him the most important lesson of his life. Thats where all his beliefs , his cockiness, his hard-headedness got a rude shocking jolt. What the fuck happened ?? The chemistry was perfect, the math between us was spot on, then what?? Why the fuck are you walking away then, he screamed at you??

And even then when you did not turn back, but just kept on walking away, thats when you taught him the most important lesson of his life. Losing the most important person in his life, made him re-evaluate everything. And he retraced his steps starting from the very beginning of 2004. And then he learnt to think, thoughts that werent just made of numbers and algorithms, but thoughts you had tried to get into his thick skull with no success, whatsoever.

I think of him and I feel how lucky he was that he met you, the one person who taught him how to evolve. Would he have made an effort to try and evolve if you hadnt challenged him? Could anybody else see through him like you did and let him know this is who you are in black and white sonny boy, now judge for yourself? Would he have written this blog if you hadnt walked away? Could anybody but you would have been more firm with him in that soft voice of yours? Would he have ever made the effort to become a better person, for anybody but you?

How can he then ever settle for anybody but you?

22 comments:

cornucopia said...

Ohh, she seems very very special to you

Anonymous said...

The last line was too good.

Anonymous said...

I guess there are people who touch your lives in more ways than you can possibly think of, and maybe those moments when they are in your life is fleeting, but their memories will be with you for a long time to come.

cheryl said...

Nice blog, will try and visit often. And the post was really sweet as well.

superficial said...

Well Well, this is quite an interesting situation. Obviously she isnt with you, so the milllion dollar q is whether you try and stick it out with the "one" person who you're so obviously in love with or do you ask her to go fuck herself and just walk away merrily??

Difficult choices, but its your choice.

Anonymous said...

this is so beautiful - the post i mean.

Anonymous said...

I agree its a wonderful heartfelt post.

heather said...

Nice tattoo!!

greekchic said...

Visiting your blog for the first time and ran into this wonderful post, really lovely

kat said...

This is really a sweet sweet post, the last line especially was soo beautiful.

chimes said...

sometimes chemistry takes time... maybe another 10 years?

can you write what she's feeling from her perspective? might be an interesting experiment.

how to be free from the constraints on the body and the mind... seems we're all in the same boat. best wishes in loving yourself.

Demi Goddezz said...

hmmm .. the point of settling down with anyone else other than her....

How would you know if u never give another person a chance..who knows maybe that person could turn out to be
THE ONE..

well written

cupid said...

Nice post and an interesting point made by demi goddezz, but then does that mean that you give up on the person who you think is "THE ONE" and look for the next "THE ONE".

miss jes said...

Junta demands:

why mush posts why cant we have more posts about desi babes' pedestrian bed histrionics??

orkuts said...

This is a nice post jhantu, for once no sarcasms and corny humor.

ria said...

Time wasting s also a very relevant concept that one should keep in mind!!

stanbabe said...

Would he have ever made the effort to become a better person, for anybody but you?


:)
Beautiful indeed

primalsoup said...

Oh the pangs of Six degrees of separation

rxm said...

It is time for the biweekly sex post dont you think

av said...

Can someone be really worth that much, I myself dont know, maybe I havent met someone who would make me want to evolve/become a better person.

Dreamcatcher said...

Really nice, uncharacteristically sentu :)
reminds me of a post eM once wrote about her ex - notstalgia meets sadness meets the past.

jhantu said...

@all: the post is a stupid sentimental one that isnt worth one penny and shouldnt have been put up in the first place