Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Perfect Bitchy 10 -- My kind of girl

My taste in women is horrid. I did suspect that for sometime and now Im utterly convinced that it is indeed the case.

A normal guy dates normal girls, girls who are nice and hot and not difficult and not bitchy. Girls who are more inclined to put their arms around your neck than put sarcasm laden nooses around it, girls who would be thrilled if you gave them flowers rather than warn you no matter what,any gift that costs even a fucking lousy dollar is not acceptable, and more importantly girls who would go out with you if you ask them once or twice or at a maximum thrice. A normal guy wouldnt ask that girl a fourh time out, especially when he has a whole collection of emminently hot and date-able ladies lined up for the weekend and one of those ladies even owns a Z4 beemer.

But as I said my taste is suspect. Not just suspect it is downright fucking appalingly despicable. You dont believe me. Well heres my perfect date's best qualfications, judge for yourself:

(1) The difficulty quotient should drill its way up the roof and make its way right into the damn stratosphere. She should be as difficult as they come. If I ask her for something her gut reaction should be to say NO FUCKING WAY.

(2) She needs to be a pastmaster at sarcasm and irrespective of the fact how romantic or sexy a moment is or might be she must have the charming (dis)ability of knocking the wind out of that moment with her sarcasm. Her favourite sarcasm laden charm me line has to be Whatever rocks your boat dude.

(3) She needs to give me the I dont care a damn for whatever you say/do attitude and in the process have the ability to completely puzzle me as to what shes really thinking.

(4) She should be a drama queen of the very first rate. No matter how insignificant the incedent she must have the ability to outdo me when it comes to putting up a dramatic show (and believe me Im stiff competetion).

(5) I need to be able to talk to her without getting distracted by her boobs or pussy or navel or whatever. That is the conversation should be more engrossing than her visible booty.

(6) She should be obstinate to the point of being able to drive me nuts with her hard-headedness. No reason or logic or coaxing or convincing from my end should ever be able to change her damn mind.

(7) I must know that shes well read than me, even though I'll never admit it to her, but she must make me look like a complete imbecile with her reading knowledge.

(8) She should be as pricey as they come. Theres no point in me wasting my charms on you if you cant act like a pricey bitch. If I ask you out you say no, if I ask you out again you again say no, if I ask you out one more time you should be able to say Go get a life sweetheart and stop wasting your breath. And believe me if you do that I'll climb nine stories via a tree and ask you out one more time while dangling in a very unsafe manner from that fragile unstable tree branch.

(9) She must be abe to make me do things in bed I can never do for anyone else.

(10) And last but not the least you must have large eyes, long fingers, long hair, wear glasses, have the most beautiful voice ever and sleep in yellow flowery night dresses.

And that sums up my perfect bitchy sweetheart through ten utterly despicable qualitites I look for in my girl. Anyone fitting the bill drop me a line.

15 comments:

ria said...

Theres a more than decent chance that if you keep up this appaling taste ur ging to get screwed big time
;)

chimes said...

pussywhipped

jhantu said...

@ria: oh yea tell me about that

@chimes: s&m and bondage i guess is my thing, after all i like girls on top

Anonymous said...

Do let us know if anyone fitting this absolute despicable description of a lady actually answers or is there someone in mind already, either way ur taste in woman is really horrid.

Sigh said...

Sigh

What bad taste delicious men like you have.

Waste actually

stanbabe said...

She should be as pricey as they come. Theres no point in me wasting my charms on you if you cant act like a pricey bitch. If I ask you out you say no, if I ask you out again you again say no, if I ask you out one more time you should be able to say Go get a life sweetheart and stop wasting your breath. And believe me if you do that I'll climb nine stories via a tree and ask you out one more time while dangling in a very unsafe manner from that fragile unstable tree branch.


Now thts something worth being bitchy for

av said...

why in god's name do u a;ways hv to things the hard way?? beats me as usual

WishfulThinker said...

I feel your pain bro. I think. *walking away scratching head*

wannabe blogger said...

What nice taste in women ;-)
Excellent

Anonymous said...

this was beautiful :-)

Prerona said...

really liked this post. i think ull find a lot of girls like that except for the last bit - but woh bhi if u look real hard mil jayega - happy hunting dude :)

jhantu said...

@wishfulthinker: why the pain, wheres the pain?? what pain dude??

@wannabe blogger,anon: thanks

@prerona: theres someone who fits the description to a tee, and thus shes as difficult as they come and my guess is that I've to spend a lifetime trying to woo her, but believe me shes worth every bit of the effort

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Anonymous said...

I pray to God that you get one of that kind. :P

educatedunemployed said...

So it is true, men only behave when treated like dogs.