Tuesday, August 15, 2006

A beautiful Lyrical love-story

Act 1: Asking her out on that first date:

Come with me Into the trees
We'll lay on the grass And let hours pass
Take my hand Come back to the land
Let's get away Just for one day

Just when she feels oooh what a sweet romantic guy you are and is getting all mushy and cutey and coyish, finish with the following line:

Metropolis --Has nothing on this
You breathing in fumes, I taste when we kiss
Let me see you stripped.

Bottomline : Its all about the booty sweetheart, the bigger the better.

Act 2: Been dating for a while, you've been trying to score and get laid, but she isnt budging much, except for those now boring kissies, finally when you cant take these score-less dates any more you say:

I've been waiting my whole life for just one: fuck
And all I needed was just one: fuck
How can you say that you don't give a: fuck
I find myself stupified,
coming back again
All I wanted was just one fuck
One tiny little innocent fuck
And now I feel like I'm shit out of luck
I find myself stupified, coming back again.

Botomline : Fucking bitch, all those dinners and car-rides on my money and not even a grateful-thank-you fuck from you.

Act 3: This is it, you are determined to score that elusive touch-down today, so when you guys are necking in the living room you whisper into her ears:

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me Ive got no Soul to tell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me getAway from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to god.

Bottomline : Fucking me is divine, so go for it.

Act 4: Have been "making love" to her for sometime now, and its now getting damn boring , you need a break, need to find some fresh meat. Being a nice person, and not wanting to tell her that shes a lousy fuck, you first try the subtle break-up approach, the we-lack-mental-match-sweetie-but-we-are-good-friends-approach:

Finished with my woman cause she couldnt help me with my mind
People think Im insane because I am browning all the time
All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy
Think Ill lose my mind if I dont find something else to pacify
Can you help me thought you were my friend

Bottomline: Take the hint and take off with your goodie two shoes parasitic ass, STAT (shake that ass tootsie)

Act 5: Subtle approach doesnt work and she has now become a full time pain in the ass, that clingy girlfriend you just hate. Desperate times, desperate measures:

I used to love her But i had to kill her
She bitched so much She drove me nuts
I had to kill her I had to put her Six feet under
She's buried right In my backyard
And i can still hear her complain

Bottomline: Bitches belong in the gutter, not in my bed-room.


Dreamcatcher said...

Very lyrical and hillarious as usual :D
Oh and let me know when you decide to grace our campus, everyone's gonna be waiting in breathless anticipation till then :P

starry nights said...

OMG Jhantu..you are too much.how do you come up with all this stuff.

Nautilus said...

How poetic!! Just wondering, how long does it take tp get from Act1 to Act4? :-)

Anonymous said...

LOL :))

Ferocious Killer Kat said...

kunwari dulhan!!! ROTFL.. hehehehe... still have to read the post.. hehehe...

ambrosia said...

I can hear Nancy Sinatra lamenting -

"...Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down..."

Rimi said...

(Eyes still saucer-like at last line)

Ei jonnyoi bidesh-jatra nishidhho chhilo. Amader mishti chhelegulo bideshe giye ekebaare uchhone gelo! (dramatic choral wail on cue)

Aditi said...

Pretty apt to the situations I must say and quite funny

ria said...

@ambrosia: that should be her response:
I shot him down bang bang !!

@jhantu: (the all knowing glance she gives you)

anon-x said...

you are masering the art of being mean and offensive in a humorous way,
the posts although could be branded as offensive, they still are extremely laughable, unique style this blog has

orkuts said...

ahh now i know where the german fetish comes from..
let me see u stripped, indeed!

WishfulThinker said...

I bow down before thy poetic prowess, O mighty horny knight of the night! :)

Rapid I Movement said...

Oh man, you remind me of this guy in Kanpur who used to croon out these incredible pondified versions of Annie's Song and Leaving on a Jetplane...:))

manuscrypts said...

so, what act are you putting on now? :)

aski said...

do the act 1 finishing lines allow you to go beyond the act 1 stage??

d'yer mak'er said...

and thats why they say the females drove the jhantu insane..

(reaches for the phone and dials 911)

catwoman said...

are u really as bad/funny in person as the blog implies ?

good morning, midnight said...

Eeesh! *nyaka Aishwarya style giggle*

Chilla-Bong said...

Jhantu-babu, your art of lining the bottom that too in verses is incredible.Chaliye jao.

educatedunemployed said...

I wasn't sure what I made out of this post last time I read it.It has been reeling in my head for long.I think I actually wished some one would have just laid down the 'facts' like you have.

Anonymous said...

guns n roses - the band that was

starry nights said...

Jhantu..you have been tagged. see my blog.

freespirit said...

Ugh! U psycho b*****d! And i can't help coming back to read more! U r horrible...horrible!

sakshi said...

oyee it sucks

vibhor said...

very nicely presented..
some serious notes with such humurous style..

like it realy..

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