Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Canadian fucks-- desi style

This is about K, K is canadian, a good friend of mine and recently single. And so he proclaimed to me yesterday Tonight is the night I shall get some action. On further enquiry on my part it turned out that he has been pursuing this Desi babe and tonight chances are more than bright that he is going to see some action. He's heard stories about Desi females though, most of which are pretty discouraging, and he needs a heads-up, he knows it is a different ball game altogether, it isnt like sleeping with the female folks of 5/6th of the world's population. The fairer sex of the land from where I come are a species unto themselves. K is nervous. And K has plenty of questions, and for a lack of a better person K wants me to answer his fucking questions. So armed with a keg of beer, 5 hours to go till D-time, me and K proceeded to make out a checklist of things to do and not to do.

I have several plastics ready in my wallet, proclaimed K smiling from ear to ear. And what purpose are they going to serve you, you stupid canadian fuck. This isnt some dime a dozen american or canadian chick, this is a desi girl -- a royal desi girl, and that too a pure one. So the closest you are going to come to using that plastic is perhaps when you finally decide to jerk off at 5 in the morning alone in our stupid bathroom. But I thought I was up for some action tonight, grumbled K. Oh Yes that you are dear K, but you see the way you and I define action is tangential to the way your desi sweetheart would. I dont follow you. Well its pretty simple. the plastics wont even come into the picture at all. Oh you mean she will be on pills, grinned K again that ear to ear grin. Dammit you canadian dickhead. This is sacrilege, this is unpious, his is downright unholy, your desi sweetie on pills!! How could you even think of that, most of them arent even on pills after they get married. How else do you think we end up supporting 1/6th of the world's population???

K started mixing shots into his beer and I could see that he wasnt too happy the way this how-to-bed-a-desi-babe-pep-talk was going. Ok Ok fine, so I dont get to fuck her, I'm fine with that. But let me tell you I wont give her head till I get some from her. I put my glass down and gave K that stare, you know the kind of stare that all those Indian muni-rishis (sages) used to burn down whole forests in our mythological times. Dont look at me that way man. K are you for real?? Are you telling me with a straight face that you expect to get head from your desi sweetie??? Yes, said K in a small voice. I lit up, K's apartment is non smoking but I was beyond caring for that. K my friend you never get head from your desi sweetie. I could see K opening and shutting his mouth like a goldfish, my heart went out for him. I wanted to comfort him, make the pain a bit easier for him. So I said what I have heard a zillion times: you see K they think its dirty, its nothing personal really, its just that you know our female folks are obsessed with cleanliness -- so you know even sex has to be clean for them.

I could see the look of complete bewilderment on his face. Sex isnt supposed to be clean dude. It isnt even supposed to be nice. Its supposed to be dirty and kinky and fucking painful man. Thats where all the fucking pleasure comes from. I know K. But you are in a different league now. Cleanse your mind of all those things that you've just said. So what the fuk am I going to get out of tonight, finally screamed K. Well you might get to stick your tongue into her mouth, maybe even get your hands up her tees, and my guess is thats about it.

So no sex not even a lousy blow-job and I need to keep it clean as well. Yes K, your desi sweetheart might pretend to be a pretentious slut but is actually a stupid, scared cunt of the highest order. I think I will finish the keg before she turns up, will be easier if I am in half my senses.

Definitely Oh and K one last thing she probably doesnt know how to touch a man, so you know give her some clear cut directions if you get that far, else it might take you an eternity, though on the hindsight its a kind of new feeling to have your erection coming and going in a rhythmic sinusoidal fashion.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah and jhantu is back.. but only half so with second hand experiences

desi fcuker said...

Sinusoidal fashion!!! He He

Anonymous said...

as usual you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to desi females. wonder why

Natasha said...

just came across your blog, being a bonafide desi girl dont know if I should be offended or be laughing my ass off:)
I think the one thing you forgot to mention to your canadian friend, desi women like most other women are quick learners;)

jhantu said...

@anon1: there are other anon blogs devoted to my 1st hand experiences, you can go visit those

@desu fc: but seriously

@anon2: facts and only facts

@natasha: thanks for dropping by and taking the pain to read the ludicrous post!! Oh and about the quick learning thing, well hmm, lets see now,
Naaaa!!

superficial said...

Well I definitely have no experience with "desi" females, but this does seem to be pushing the envelope a bit.

If not then -- im speechless

Miss Jes said...

Couldnt help but feel sorry for the canadian friend. So did he get to see some action or not finally??

Anonymous said...

i think refusing the boyfriend a blow job is disrespectful.

rai said...

how did the story end?? did your friend end up getting some "action" ??

wannabe blogger said...

This is meant to ridicule desi females or horny jackass males?? Either way te only person who might get ridiculed here is jhantu.

Anonymous said...

LOL

Anonymous said...

funny, but too caustic and way off the truth too,maybe u and your friend havent met the right "desi" girls yet

M (tread softly upon) said...

Hilarious. Loved the post and agree wholeheartedly with natasha.

jhantu said...

@anon: refusing a blowjob is a crime especially after youve given the girl head

@rai: hmmm not too well is all im allowed to say

@wannabe blogger: yea true

@anon: ive met a few and what can i say my track record as og now isnt well good

@m : quick learner you say as natasha.. now lets see.. NAAA (blow job is dirty line keeps playing at the back of my head u see)

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

Maybe K should try a visit to Eenja. Desi girls aren't THAT desi here.
Or perhaps you know that already.

Anonymous said...

here's a fundamental truth: desi chicks don't give a fuck about desi guys. desi guys are the lowest lifeform on earth. i'm a desi guy, i know.

so is this chick hot? i feel k's pain. k, don't desire what you can't control. instead, buy yourself a shiny red ferrari and a penthouse in manhatttan.

Anonymous said...

wait... k isn't desi, is he? phir kya problum hai yaar! yeh k ek number ka jhantu hoga.