Thursday, July 27, 2006

Why I am a Sex God or why you should know I'm evil

My close male-friends are confused. What the fuck jhantu, how in hells name does a ugly motherfucker like you land up with girls at such alarming regularity. Now like a true magician who never reveals his innermost ToTs (Tricks of the Trade), I give them my trademarked and copyrighted downright scary and ugly smile and go Sab maya hai (Its all voodooism). But today right now right here right at this moment you, my handful of dear readers will be privy to that all-shape-and-size-desi-girl-conquering secret. The truth is out there and now I shall take you out there with it too. The burning question for you though is CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH ? As I would explain in the subsequent paragraphs implementing this Jhantufied strategy is not without its perils. So if you wear that OH I am so holy and pious and truthful and moral badge on your fucking arm like a fucking red herring, then stop right here and take your morality preaching candy-ass out of this URL.

And now that I have those moral-preaching pricks out of the way, let us proceed to the more immoral gameplan that will land you in bed with a desi chick. Buggers the name of the game is twofolds.

This is how the first one goes: Everything is fair for sex and in war , what that means for you in black and white is that no LIE is big enough or wrong enough if there is the possibility that it could land you in bed with the chick you have been having wet dreams about. I mean come on. What is more pathetic?? You having lousy wet dreams at the age of 25 (which btw qualifies you for the biggest LOSER in the world tag) or you just stringing together a string of lies, some big and some small, that would eventually let you score (which inflates your ego and not to mention your libido to astronomical proportions). I shall let you judge that on your own.

And this is how the second one goes: The Indian female has a very dormant Kamasutra gene that is itching for an outlet. And you my dear buggers can potentially be that outlet. What you need to keep in mind at all times is that ours is the country that hosts 1/6th of the world population, but still somehow by some means the females in our country have been conditioned to believe that theres a Lord-of-The-Rings style Troll guarding their holy venice-trap, and the Troll lives in their holy pussies threatening to chop off any invasions into the venice trap as long as she isnt married. (The Troll concept btw also explain why not just cocks but things like dildos or vibrators though extremely enticing is still an alien unholy concept for our females, imagine Anita having to buy an expensive dildo every other day as the Troll keeps on chopping it off-- the economics are just not worth it she says).

As a result what we have is a world full of hep-urban-Western-apeing-in desi chicks who are fortunately (for you that is) fucklessly horny out of their minds. And thus all that you need to do is harness this 23 year old (atleast) burning dormant horny energy and use it to your advantage. And let me tell you, the desi female wants it badly too. I have had personal experiences with pious holy cute sweet desi females who wanted to be treated like a bitch and wanted to be down on fours, all she needed was someone to spell it out to her. And let me tell you it would also be a great blessing for you if the desi chick you are trying to get into bed happens to be in that gooey desi love with her desi boyfriend because that kind of assures you that in the truest tradition of eternal pure desi love they have been practising the holy desi sex in which the boyfriend comes home with a rock between his legs and proceeds to relieve himself in the quiet of his bathroom while the girlfriend has still no clue what a fucking orgasm means or feels like. So you can step right in and fuck the Troll.

So dear friends keep these two things in mind and go for the desi venice trap I say. And when you do that there will be horny and pissed desi females who'll write sex stories about the way Jhantu screwed them out of their mind in their anonymous blogs like here or imaginary anonymous blogs about like here, while some of them will still maintain pretentious non-anonymous blogs writing about the moral pure things and crying their hearts out about the utter asshole that Jhantus and there will be their boyfriends who'll lament about the love that they lost when you screwed their sex-starved desi girlfriends.

And once you have done that you would realize that you dont want to know me because I am a bad, bad bad evil influence and then when you let me know in clear, unambiguous 911-dialing words why I am unfit to be in relationships , then I'll say to you "You have beeen Jhantufied you fucking bitch and now you can kiss my brown ass".

21 comments:

abhi said...

Wow, venom spitting at its best

Anonymous said...

venice trap Troll ;))

K the canadian said...

I am not "desi" but I still remember coming home with a rock between my legs, courtesy that desi girl.

saurabh said...

u nailed it...

ria said...

Does this qualify for a rant?

orkuts said...

Have you seen Clerks recently, the Troll line does definitely seem like a clerk rip-off though well used here.

holy spirit said...

Girls writing sex posts about you, now does that inflate your ego/libido or what.

M (tread softly upon) said...

"there will be horny and pissed desi females who'll write sex stories about the way Jhantu screwed them out of their mind in their anonymous blogs" do you imagine all this or do these things really happen to you....i wonder! Either way.....way to go man!!!

jhantu said...

@abho: venom, me, where??

@anon: yes the troll

@K: I know that being the eye witness of ur misery

@suarabh: and got nailed myself

@ria: nopes

@orkut: yea this ias usual plagiarism on my part

@holy : no it doesnt

@m : unfortunately they do happen though somehown after a period of being together with me they threaten to dial 911 even if they set eyes on me, definitely not the way to go.

superficial said...

Interesting sex blog links i must say, and yes your ego should be inflated if girls write sex blogs devoted to your escapades with them.

As for the boyfiends sad.

waiterrant said...

Mightily funny blog you have here J, glad i dropped by.

sribharath said...

Holy venice trap

LOL!

sunshine said...

thats some wild writing!! wild imagination? or wild life?

jhantu said...

@superficial: fuck the bfs its my life thats sad

@waiter: aHH the revered one, pleased drop by again

@sribharath: dont laugh this is mighty serious

@sunshine: i dont do the writing so dont applaud me. as for the truth, unfortunately yea :(

sup said...

anita and her dildos he he he :))
very funny though bit mean as well for ud "desi" babes.

Hiren said...

What should I say? What a horny write up. Some of the moral preachging types would appreciate writeups like these as much as the desi females yearning for you know what. They may even get an orgasm just reading it. Refreshing to come across such writeups. Feel like saying to everybody "Jhantu bantu" . All the best with Jhantuing.

soum said...

anita's troll is so damn mean.. making her buy a dildo every other day.. Bloody trolls!

bobby finstock said...

Thanks for the Literotica link :)

Anonymous said...

Fucking trolls, now i know why im 22 and still a virgin. Damn it

Anonymous said...

Ooh the jilted boyfriend, I feel for his kind having been there myself, bloody desi girls.

shamiQ said...

hmmm.... so true abt da venice trap! i always managed to go till 'that' point but fuck tht venice trap!!! nevr managed it :( yu must hav been ther atleast once! so yu knw!
but luckily things chngd fr gud in us!
:D lekin stil left with disappointmnt of nt scoring on desi grls... but im sure its just matter of time b4 i will...

ShamiQ