Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Coupling Issues

Automobiles of our generation are cool. They have amazing horsepower, super transmission, sleak shiny bodies, lovely leather interiors, state of the art navigation systems and some of them even have a Bose system for your Rammsteinic auditory pleasure.

But just for a second close your eyes, forget today's mean machines only for a second, and think of those Cadillacs that you had seen in all those movies from the 70s and the 80s. Now concentrate for a second more and take a peek through the window and look into the automobile. What do you see?? What you see is that unlike todays automobiles, the front seat is different. There is no separate seat for the driver and the pillion, on the contrary there is one long seat that the driver and the pillion share, pretty much like the backseat, infact exactly like the backseat.

So what the fuck I hear you say. What in Lord almighty fuck's name does that have to do with anything?? Everything is my answer. Everything related to having sex in a car. Think of today's cars. Is there any god forsaken way that you can think of having sex with any kind of comfort in the front seat of today's mean machines??

First there is the stick,which you need to circumvent with plenty of skills before you have any hope of groping or fondling your sweetheart. Now even if you succesfully get past the stick obstacle there is then the almost impossible task of either moving yourself on top of her or getting her to move on top of you. Unless you and your girlfriend can create unimaginable obtuse angles when your bodies entwine I dont see much hope.

Wait a minute I hear you say, cant my girlfriend move over to my side and ride me like a cowgirl?? Yes I say that she can but at the perils of having her skull crack open as she rebounds of your mean machine's roof. What if I have a convertible? I had one, but tell me do you seriously think that your girlfrined is going to cowgirl you in a parking lot with your roof down and people around you betting on how long you can last.

Now now she can definitely blow me cant she? Of course she can. But spare a thought for the poor girl. While shes blowing you at your earnest behest, the car's stick which any day is bigger and thicker than yours is pressing against her belly, dangerously close to her love button. And suddenly she realizes that it would be much easier and probably more satisfying for her to rub herself against your mean machine's stick and have an orgasm, rather than navigating her way around an obstacle filled circuitous path before she can ride you like a cowgirl or blow you.

Honey let me couple with your mean machine right now, I promise to decouple as soon as we get home. I tell you sex wasnt on the designer's mind when today's mean machines were designed.

22 comments:

myhumps said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

can't do it in a car, huh? a man with your experience?

Sue said...

Sounds like this post really came form the heart heh heh...

But you're absolutely right, you know. Tried it once in a car and decided I prefer being comfortable to cheap thrills.

chimes said...

ah, the stick. but why not the backseat, still not enough legroom? don't forget pillows and/or scarf.

sgj said...

Hee Hee. Cowgirling in a convertible sounds extremely tempting and that too with people watching around!! God i feel like this voyeurism. Not too bad an option though pretty kinky.

pinkie said...

Entwining with ur bf in obuse angles, NICE!!

my_humps said...

a blog by a mentally sick sex-starved male for numerous equally healthy sex-starved females .... desparations have reasons after all !!

Anonymous said...

You moron..just the back seat wouldja?

chimes said...

yup. discussion is mental/spiritual health. suppression is illness. and misunderstanding how to deal with sex/power starvation is the reason for barbaric social practices.

anyway, my porn cache/shrine to female beauty would include maria sharapova. she's pretty.

jhantu said...

@anonymous: didnt say cant do it did i?? I still remember a parking lot at an airport, a freeway exit neaby and a few other places. But its difficult is wht my point is.

@sue: not from the heart sue, but a bit more south ;-)
Cheap thrills are good keeps the fire burning.

@chimes: i usually drive, difficult doing tht frm the backseat

@sgj: has happened to me, well nt the cowgirl thingie, but something a tad more decent.

@pinkie: bhery NICE

@my_humps: of course, outlet fr thy desperation.

@anonymous: again how do u expect me to drive from the backseat??

stanbabe said...

Im telling ur a funny prick. Is that a compliment?

pdg said...

Just out of curiosity what would happen if you and ur bf started groping and fondling and doing IT in the car. Would that simplfy/complicate things, since both of u happen to have the same accessories?

jd said...

U hv a boyfriend and a girlfriend?? U grope and fondle both of them?? ths is interesting

sau said...

Movie couples do it with so much in those steamy scenes. But the few time tht ive tried with my guy ive realized tht i need to work on mt strecthing routine at the gym.

my humps said...

@chimes: you seem like an avid follower of jhaantu, so much so that an utterly nonsensical post on how to screw your woman in a car, of all places and choosing gear knob over a plain and simple dick, appears a discussion that liberates whatever you are suppressing. if it is really a solution to all the social malaise, as you put it, then we should replace kofi anan with jenna jameson at the first opportunity, so that we all can hump our way to world peace.

wannabe blogger said...

Jhantu doing t with the car isnt that difficult, i mean the groping and fondling part. Thats pretty easy, intercourse though is a completely diff issue. But fondling and groping works perfect. Not recommended while driving though

helo helo said...

Is your girlfriend reading this?? and on a personal note (though out of pure curiosity) did u manage to get it on with her in the car or for that matter deeti baby.

anon-x said...

Good analysis

acu said...

Awwww ... (rebuking awws)

WishfulThinker said...

Definitely easier to read than obscure, obtuse poetry (like mine). ;) Anyone ever tell you that you sound like a (not exactly) sex-starved, 'auto'-erotic maniac? Yeah, they did? Cool. I'll just second that compliment. :D

chimes said...

your humps, world peace hinges upon Anima/mus sex. it's not that she's not out there, you just have to be very picky about saying no if she doesn't fit ur needs. i know, she likes you, but must move on if you don't have any telling dreams about her.

silly, not jenna...we should replace kofi with paula zahn. :)

jhantu, cheap thrills are not worth the risk of hospital bills. for you or anyone else. or squirrels.

jhantu said...

@stanbabe: ill take it as one, intended or unintended

@pdg: would definitely throw in an extra stick into the equation

@jd: im yet to grope my bf in the car!!

@sau,wnnabe blogger: maybe i need to do the same too

@helo helo: now now even i hv some privacy issues dont i ;-)

@anon-x, wishfulthinker: thanku thanku and bends down doggie style and takes a bow ..
thanku