Monday, May 15, 2006

Mithunistic Invasion of the 3rd kind (MI-3)

I went to see this summer's first blockbuster MI-3. The theatre was choc-a-bloc, all shows sold out, every one waiting with anticipation, with bated breath, finger nails digging into the arms of their seats, consuming popcorn and pepsi at supersonic rate, girls kissing their guys one last time for the next 2 hours while images of Tom Cruise's naked butt race through their minds, guys cursing under their breath fuck you Tom and fuck all those Botoxes, the Chinese gang sitting behind you getting ready with their digi-translator lest they miss a sentence .... and then finally the curtains go up, the lights go out and that familiar music comes on.

But wait a minute. am I at the right theater?? Who is that on the screen I see?? Is it a bird , is it a plane, is it Ethan Hunt, is it Superman. Hell noooo . ITS MITHUNDA!! Well of course he has lost his man breasts, maybe even gotten his black skin altered to white ala MJ, tucked his 12 beer a day protuding belly into a finely chiseled six pack, hell even transformed his Abeee Saaalaa Saaahi hai accent into a drooling easy supercool punch-line emitting cool-catesque delivery. But fear not my fellow indians it is MITHUNDA.

You dont believe me?? Ok sample this: The onscreen Ethan Hawke whom most of you regretably think is Tom Cruise had an explosive charge implanted in his brain. He got his girlfriend to give him 440 volts of pure electric shock. Tom died, but the electric current disabled the charge in his brain. His girlfriend went on to bring hm back to life with some good old fashioned heart pumping. Instant cure from a modernistic brain tumor. Now close your eyes and let your mind wander back to a time yonder. Mithunda had a tumor in his brain. Anwar Katela (the villain) shot him in the head and the bullet exited Mithunda's skull carrying the tumor with it. Instant cure from the old fashioned brain tumor.

Can you now handle the truth you bunch of non-believers. Can anyone but Prabhuji pull off this supermanesque feat?? Crap I hear the girl staring at her LCD screen say.

Fine. For you the demented non-believer heres one more proof that He has finally invaded the Hollywood fortress. Ethan towards the climax works out the mathematics of a heights and distance problem, on a broken window (ala John Nash), in trying to get the Rabbit's foot. Now the keenest amongst you would have surely noted that Ethan uses a series of yet to be published highly classified Mathematical expressions in solving this problem. So what I still hear that damn girl say. Girl, girl, for His sake open your mind, close your eyes and again let your mind wander to a time yonder. Mithunda donning the avtaar of Dr. Ram Gopal Acharya, a world reknowned professor of a highly classified and yet to be named subject, spends the best part of a 3 hour celluloid classic in a hypnotic horny trance, eyes closed, murmuring in a tongue that would petrify and puzzle even the Neanderthal man, as he tries to solve that biggest mathematical problem of all, the equation of love.

And thus the truth which was out there is revealed upon all you non-believers. He is here, He is in Hollywood and now He will rule with an iron fist. Hollywood would bow before Prabhuji and soon they will learn to produce 100 superhit movies in 100 days for a 100 dollars each. Exit from the scene would all those under-nourished starved petite, leggy blondes and brunettes and enter would the thunder-thighed, buxom bouncing, tire waisted south-indian beauties. All Hail the New World Order. The Revolution has started.

Prabhuji ki Jai ho.

Warning: Those of you frequenting the blogosphere might deem this post to be an Opal Mehta like act due to this. If any one of you is willing to offer me a half million dollar signng bonus for this post. then yea it is an act of copycatism on my part, else it is an independent work of trashy art .

14 comments:

Q said...

Was it anwar katela?? are u sure about the villain's name? i think it was someone else

WishfulThinker said...

LOL! Waiting for MI3 to be released here!! Now I definitely HAVE to see it!!! :D

Anonymous said...

LOL :)) and thanks for the link to the greatbong post

rmx said...

Jhakkas, hv to see Mi-3 now to sing prabhuji's gun if for nothing else

that girl in pink said...

what aishwarya couldn't do with her accent, mithunda has achieved despite his. am truly impressed.

by the way, couldn't stop giggling over the chinese gang with their digi-translator. :-)

Sue said...

Heh... I see some internalization has happened out here. Read GB's post yesterday.

riddhi said...

Jhantu Opal Mehta!!

orkuts said...

"Exit from the scene would all those under-nourished starved petite, leggy blondes and brunettes and enter would the thunder-thighed, buxom bouncing, tire waisted south-indian beauties".

Cant wait for that to happen
;-)).
LOL

sau said...

I read both this and the greatbong post, while the posts are similar, opal mehta or not, but one thing is for sure, prabhuji needs to know of the two of you spreading his good words in the USofA. Maybe he'd crown both my literary knights or something

peeya said...

I quite liked Mi-3 actually, a bit how shall i say, brain-dead(?), but thts the point of these popcorn busting blockbusters isnt it?

dude with a halo said...

coming back to your chaatu-self !and along came peanut brains with awwws and lols !!

jhantu said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jhantu said...

@ dude: sab maya hai, jai bhavaani

chimes said...

"there are no chaste minds. minds copulate wherever they meet."
~eric hoffer

what to do about the bastards is another story.